go getter!

Dear Blog,

I know that it's only been 2 weeks being posted to O&G...but, this is fun!

I mean...minus all the sarcasm and scolding and being disappointed and stuff, this posting's really got some sorta magnetic force pulling me towards it. Thanks to this really great lecturer of mine, Dr. Rahana. I really like how she teaches. From the beginning, I was expecting some hardcore moulding by her but, turns out...she's way cooler than what people give her "credit" for.

She's strict, yes.
She's got anger issues, sometimes.
She makes scary faces when she's mad, definitely.

However, knowing that she'll react that way makes me not want to disappoint her.

And with that motivation, I put all disappointment, hurt, anger and embarrassment behind me and just work harder than I used to. Not only that, I've got great friends with me to help go through this posting - Ain Musa, Lia, Fatin, Assila & Amzar. Thanks so much guys =) You guys make it even more bearable.

A friend of mine cried today, at the tutorial room. I felt sad for her. She's under a lot of stress. She sleeps late at night to study, and I always see her sleeping at the Bilik Tutor. She received a couple of scoldings starting last week, and she couldn't really take it. I understand. We all do. That's why we're here for you, no matter what =)

I presented a short case just now. I think it wasn't half bad, for a second try. I think the doc saw improvements, coz after I was done I saw her nod her head twice - which is like.....wheeeeeee! for me! hehe. I feel so relieved. Next week, Ain, Lia, Matun and May's turn hehehe.

Oklah, like I wrote at my YM shoutout, "I wanna reward myself to some McD!" hehehe. I deserve some fat in me hahahaha. Errr...don't be too happy Farah. When there's ups, there will always be downs. Prepare yourself for tomorrow's ward round coz the patient at your bed has been discharged. Visit the ward tonight to see if you have another patient, otherwise, it's a 6.45am walk to the ward again...lol.

.who's hungry? l e n a.

ban the nana!

Dear Blog,


=) Went out with H tonight.

We've been planning to go out again since last week, and finally, tonight was the night. I was excited of course, even if it was maybe a bit less compared to the first time I went out with K, but I definitely had fun with H.

He said he wanted to bring me out for dinner, I told him, "OK. There's McD and Old Town nearby". So, I figured it'd be easier to eat somewhere nearby that's affordable for both me and him and also near campus.

Turns out, he wanted to bring me out to KL. I was already thinking, "uh-oh...I thought I was gonna head to the ward after dinner". But, what the heck. KL it is. He said he knows this nice place in Sentul that serves Western, Eastern and stuff. I was like, anything with Western food is OK by me. Told him I saved my stomach for tonight, so it better be worth it. He just laughed..lol.

I remember asking him what it's like to eat there, on our way. He said there's like a tree house to dine-in, but you have to make prior reservations. We didn't get to eat on top, of course. S'ok...maybe next time.

When we arrived, I thought the place looked familiar. There were fountains and ponds all around. The dim-light environment with dried coconut tree leaves, some sorta animal skulls hanging on the walls, a bar...that Hawaii feel. So when we looked for a place to sit down I told him that this place looks like a place I used to dine in...called Naili's.

H: this is Naili's! You've been here before?
L: Really?! Well, not here
H: then in Ampang?
L: nope. there's one in Taipan, USJ. But, it's a lot smaller.
H: owh, like shophouses?
L: yup

What a coinky-dink.

We arrived around 10++ I think. He gave me the greenlight to order whatever I wanted...yay! hehe
I ordered Fish & Chips + Banana Milkshake, he ordered Spaghetti and Meatballs + Raspberry Milkshake. I told him that the best milkshake in the world has gotta be Banana! He just laughed. Prolly doesn't agree with me =p

I was surprised with how easy it was to converse with him. I got to know him a bit more, and vice versa I hope. He tied his long hair tonight, and wore his office dark grey, long-sleeved shirt (he just finished work)...just the way I like it =) He looked good.

I hope I wasn't looking a mess, coz I felt so tired. I accidentally over-slept! And rushed to get ready coz he said he'd pick me up at 9pm. I got up at 8.35pm. Brothers, sisters...you guys know how slow I am when it comes to getting ready. Poor H...hehe. When I was getting ready, he text and called. I told him I'd be down in a sec after giving directions to where he was supposed to wait for me. Knowing the security guards, he would never succeed to bypass them.

Long story short, I had a wonderful evening.

And as the cherry on top, my patient was discharged this evening. So the bed I have to cover is empty. But, dunno about tomorrow morning. If a patient suddenly comes in pagi-pagi buta, I'ma have to go to the ward earlier than usual to clerk her tomorrow...say, about 6.30am-ish?

OK. This Friday night is RockBand night!! Yay!! Can't wait =) H will be there, he joked about wanting to dress up as a vampire bcoz it's Halloween..lol.

Then, this Saturday or Sunday...going out with my good friend Anip to watch...ermmm...Papadom!! The movie that K, promised to watch with me, but, suddenly kept quiet. Whatever dude.

.papa...papa...paparazzi, l e n a.

hear no evil

Dear Blog,

Something out of the ordinary happened today, I have no idea what came over me.

But first! Let's start from the beginning.


It was about 8am I guess, and our ward round began but this time Dr. Rahana and Dr. Lim led the group. It was freaky, coz when we arrived at bed number 25 (which was supposed to be covered by me last week, but thank god the patient went home already. This is a new patient, spose to be covered by the next person) Dr. Rahana asked the big group, "who covered this bed?", "mana third year yang cover this bed? tolong present". Everyone was like looking around and being so silent and all. This week is May's turn to cover bed 25 F.Y.I. but I have no idea why I felt guilty deep inside. Prolly coz I knew I didn't clerk the previous patient and that if it were me that's spose topresent, I'd be dead by now.

May came out and explained to the doc something about language barrier. Then, Dr. Lim said "owh, so if got language barrier, no need to manage this patient lah, huh?" ok. The patient is from Myanmar.

Next bed, number 24. Covered by Fatin previously, currently by Jenn Yang who just found out he was spose to cover it starting this week. BAAAM~ Dr. Lim asked for a third year to present that bed. Jenn Yang went up front and he got scolded. Finally, all third years got a bit of scolding and we were chased out of the ward. It wasn't even 9am yet.

Afterwards, went to the Antenatal clinic below coz it's Red Team's turn (there's a rotation of different teams at the clinic everyday). Waited for Dr. Rahana and we had our very first teaching there in the clinic. She taught us the basics, LNMP, EDD and POA calculations. She told us to start clerking new case patients.

So...I "volunteered" to clerk a new case. Let me repeat that word, "volunteered". What the heck? Since when do I volunteer for such things? lol. I'm such a scaredy cat, I rarely even make eye contact with the docs here.

But, I did volunteer. And it felt good =) Somehow, it boosted my confidence and self-esteem.

I clerked my patient, with the help of Matun and I presented to Dr. Rahana after that. It was shaky, and of course I needed more practice...but, believe me it took guts to go through that. I wasn't prepared at all, which is definitely not a good thing.

After presenting, Dr. Rahana gave permission to do a physical examination on my patient. She told me that since I volunteered, I have that priviledge to do PE! Whoa, my first PE kott. Imagine how nerve-wrecking that was.

I had a 5th year student to teach me and also Dr. Rahana to guide me. Yeah, I made a lotta mistakes but, so what? I tried didn't I? And it's not like I was totally blank, I still knew how to examine the abdomen. It's just a bit different coz it's a pregnant woman's abdomen. Palpating it, means you're palpating 2 living beings - mom and fetus. Anyway, Dr. Rahana slapped my shoulder when I tried to do the Lateral Grip right after measuring the Fundal Height..which, I was spose to start with a Fundal Grip then only the Lateral Grip. But, I didn't take it personally. It was my mistake anyway. It was actually pretty funny. I have no idea why rumour has it that Dr. Rahana is freakishly scary. I mean, she only scolds you if you do something wrong. Other than that, she's pretty ok. Funny too, at times.

Don't believe rumours people. Everyone made a big deal about Prof. Adeeb, Dr. Rahana and the midwives at the labour room. However, they seem pretty ok to me (tapi tak tahulah maybe baru-baru lagi. Who knows, in a long run their true colours will shine!)

.seeing is believing, but hearing...is just rumours. l e n a.

to witness a miracle

Dear Blog,

I did witness a miracle. It was so, very overwhelming.
I can feel the tears welling up
And the constriction at my throat was starting to make me choke.

The miracle was indeed the birth of a child, from its mother's womb.

I was on call tonight. Arrived at the labour room at 7.30pm. Together with Ain and Amzar, we walked to the Obstetrics and Gynaecology Admission Centre (OGAC) and headed for the labour room. As we arrived, I heard babies crying left and right. It was indeed, scary. I thought to myself..."Oh my God. Am I going to observe this later? Will I be able to stand watching the whole painful delivery process?"

Our main objective at the labour room is to observe 5 baby deliveries and to CONDUCT another 5 ourselves (with the help of midwives, of course).

Upon arrival, many patients had already given birth therefore leaving us in an awful predicament whereby observing deliveries is uncertain due to the lack of patients going into labour. We went into this room, there I see Lia and Umai with the doc in charge and midwife on standby. We went into another room, even worse, coz there's Simon, Pei Yi, Lei Fang and Ila with their doc and midwives (ramai gila kott).

Thank God for Dr. Ravi in the next room (Mawar 5, if not mistaken) and his patient Miss Y. We asked permission from Dr. Ravi, granted, the doc asked us, "you all medical student?". "Yup". "Bagus, tolong ambikkan saya secawan air". I told my friends, "Cool. Our first task at the labour room is to fetch some water. Neat." Of course I was only joking. I don't mind at all. At least there was something to do. Not to mention, we built rapport with the doc right after.

So, the doc asked us to call him when Miss Y starts to yell...and yell did Miss Y a few minutes later. This is what I thought I heard:

"Merahhhh!!!" (at least, that's what I heard the first time)

"Berakkk!!!" (that's what I heard the second time)

"Darahhhh!!!" (the third time)

Up until now, I am still not sure what it was. My hunch is the latter?

So the midwife in charge of room 5 & 6 (Kak Cik or Kak Che, don't know how to spell) and Dr. Ravi came racing toward room 5. Tagging along was Kak Nang (again, don't know how to spell), another doc on duty.

All I can say is, both Ain and I were so overwhelmed by this. There are no words to describe how beautiful it was, it brought tears to my eyes. All the pain the mother had to endure, the doctors, midwife and of course the husband, all gave words of encouragement.

"Pandai, pandai!", "sikit lagi, sikit lagi!", "bagus, bagus!" - The words that we all shouted to help Miss Y gather her strength to push.

Just when I thought all the pushing and grunting and shouting was too much to bear, the baby's head was already in sight at the vag. That made the 3 of us more confident I think ,coz we started to shout louder, fiercer and faster!

"Waaaaaaa!!" the baby cried.

I thought the pushing part was too long, I hadn't even noticed how fast it was for the baby to come out right after its head is already free. It was difficult to digest.

Where had the baby come from again?
How could another human being come from another human being's tummy?
It was surreal!

I had never experienced anything like it at all. When the baby came out, it was...like a toy, or a dummy or something that didn't look real at all, until it started to cry. And when it cried, I knew my mind wasn't playing trickes on me. This IS REALLLL! Nothing short of a miracle.

I started to cry right then.

Because...I was grateful to God for creating such a beautiful and natural process.
Because...I now know what it was like for Mommy to give birth to all her children. How painful it was and how she had "suffered".
Because...the baby is alive after all that hardwork.
and because...God, it was just so beautiful.

I looked at Ain, and saw redness in her eyes. I think she felt the same way, too. What an experience kan Ain? =)

Ain called her mom afterwards..as did I. It felt nice hearing her voice, since I didn't come home this weekend (first time!! hehe) I miss home already. Mommy has this tone of voice, this very cheerful tone of voice. Not a care in the world, that's how I would describe it. Coz that's just Mommy, a very beautiful person with a very beautiful and young heart. Pampered at times, but mostly innocent and shielded from the real world. That's ok. As long as she's happy =) I told Mommy about my experience at the labour room and I cried on the phone. Don't know why, it just burst. I also said sorry, for all my wrongdoings. Only God knows what a bad daughter I've been =(

Anyway, I gotta sleep. I'm so tired. On call for 12 hours +/-...sleeeppyyyyy.

.getting more and more attached to babies, l e n a.

I am common

Dear Blog,

I've been tagged a lot under various Farahs in my batch at Facebook! haha

Farah Lina
Farah Muhsin
Farah Liana

(Farahwahida tak ada pulak?)

The Name is Farah Lyna Darwin people.

the blame game

Dear Blog,

Here's a question for ya...


Why do some people like to blame other people?

Here's the answer...

To get out of trouble and to make themselves look all good and stuff.

But I think that only applies to those whom I'd like to call "people-pleasers".

Sheeeshh...own up to your mistakes. Duh~

.you're full of s***, l e n a.

how did that happen?

Dear Blog,

It is 7am++...again, I've been tossing and turning for the 4th consecutive night. I don't understand why I can't sleep peacefully anymore. Me thinky, it's me sub-conscious brain telling me to wake up and study. But, I just can't seem to study in the wee hours of the morning. Too sleepy (but still can't sleep, haihh).

Anyway, chatted with her last night. Thinking of sending her some, due to the err...unforseen circumstances. And then, somehow or another I persuaded him to send some too. Cool. Am I that persuasive?

Nope. Don't think so.

That's why I got a friggin C+ for my stupid PPD paper. Bongok betul!! But I think it had something to do with how "fluent" my BM was =(

I gotta learn how to speak Malay properly. Damn!

But, other than that...I am soooooo happy with my Internal Medicine and Community Medicin results! Weeeeeee!!! hehehehe

.uh-oh, time to go to the ward, l e n a.

irritated by you

Dear Blog,


Ughh! Annoying siot!

Menyampah gila tengok muka dia ni.

Dahlah G nak mampus. Selfish plak tuh.

I know it's mean to say this, but...padan muka arituh.

Serves you right for treating people like crap!


.can't be too close to other people sometimes, l e n a.

red is a very, very angry color

Dear Blog,

Yep. My second semester has begun!! (echo: begun, begun, begun, begun)

Obstetrics & Gynaecology (O&G), the posting that is feared by EVERYONE! Those who are to go through with it are experiencing a bad case of SOB and palpitations, whereas those who have experienced this...can all exhale very, VERY deeply (with the use of accessory muscles).

Why are we afraid of this posting you ask? I'm not that sure. It's prolly due to the rumors and stories that we've all heard, tales that have been passing around for generations and generations that the docs here are....so MEAN!!! so ANGRY!!! so SE-CARRRY!!! =((

They yell at you for no apparent reason (that's prolly not true. I'm pretty sure it's the student's fault for not preparing prior to the Grand ward rounds and such)

They halau you out of the ward, even if you are only 1 minute late (1 minute late? time is subjective. what if our watches aren't synchronized with the doc or prof's watch??)

They call you names, that'll hurt....bad (totally uncalled for)

They....well...mostly just yell and halau you I guess. Coz that's what I've been hearing from seniors and the previous batches.


Anyway, I left KJ at around 6.25am and arrived KTDI at 7. Left my dorm around 7.30 and met with Assila and Amzar on the way to the O&G department. There, we were supposed to have some sort of briefing and orientation. The key word here is..."supposed".

There were none.

However, we did get the list of names and were divided into small groups of 7 (A-G) and those groups were divided into a much smaller group that were allocated to a specific color-coded ward:

RED - A/P Hashim+Dr. Fauzan, Dr. Lim+Dr. Uma, Dr. Rahana+Dr. Mairin, Prof Adeeb+Dr Alinawati, Dr. Nasir+Dr.C.Has

YELLOW - Prof. Zainul+Dr. Anizah, Dr. Ixora+Dr. Tanes, A/P Norzilawati+Dr. Norhana

GREEN - Prof. Jamil+Dr. Suraya, Dr Natasha+Dr. Pravin, A/P Hatta+Dr.W.Elly, A/P Suhaila+Dr. Norliza,

ORANGE - Dr. Amelia+Dr. Azmaniza, Dr. LimYH+Dr.Salmi, A/P Azlin+Dr.Maiza

I know what you're thinking..."wow, so colorful! how fun!!"

Seriously, it's not.

So here's the scoop. Rumor has it that all 3 (RYG) are very strict, and O being the most lenient. The worst has gotta be the R ward (you can just tell by the color that represents the ward. It's the devil!!) And guess what?? I was assigned to the RED WARD! holly crap! Am I gonna die??! =((( My group's under Dr. Rahana+Dr. Mairin. I heard that Dr. Rahana is a scaryyy, sccaryy doc. She's the one that halau a colleague of mine out of the lecture hall becoz she was one minute late. That student got halau, only after the doc asked her to give 10 reasons why she was late, in front of the whole friggin lecture hall.

Yay. can't wait for that.


Anyway, my friends and I ended up having a very late breakfast, or a very early lunch - one that I would like to call "brunch"! becoz no docs were present this morning. See how ecstatic they are to receive my batch for this posting?! Nolah, I'm sure they were busy. I heard the 5th years have a professionals examination or something.

So people. Wish me luck for this new posting. 2 months. I will survive! Yeah!

.6 feet under, l e n a.

bad chawanmushi, good sushi

Dear Blog, (warning: long blog up ahead. Read at own risk. lol.)

Yup, yup. All of youse want to know what happened last night, eh? I'll walk you through it as though you were actually there.


Had a full day yesterday, had to turn down Izzet's invite to grab a few Starbucks becoz I had to get ready for my date with H.

So, we (Jenna and I) went back to KJ a lil after 7pm. Got ready - both had plans last night. Jenna left the house like at 8.15pm with Eddie, whilst my carriage arrived a bit over 8.35pm.

As usual, you get that nervous feeling before every date you go out on. So, yeah. I was nervous. All sorts of scenes went through my mind, about how I would make a fool of myself, or, maybe he won't like me vice versa. Those kinda silly thoughts, y'know?

I came down after receiving his message:

H: Tadaaa! I'm in front of the main entrance of D'aman. correct?
L: yep..i'll b rite down
H: I'll be standing by the gate

When I searched the front entrance, I saw a black MyVi parked near the gate. I saw like four guys with the windows down having some smoke. I thought to myself, what the? That couldn't be him in the car with all those people right? I felt sorta uncomfortable at that thought. But just when I was about to head over to the gate, there he was....standing by the gate. Literally. lol.

We greeted each other, and headed for his car opposite the road from our apartment - an '84 Toyota Corolla dx. How I knew? I asked, duh~ hehe. The conversation in the car flowed nicely. We talked like strangers...getting to know each other. I have like, a very awkward posture if I'm sitting at the passenger seat with someone I barely know driving. So, yeah...I looked awkward. To hide that awkwardness, I had to occasionally raise my left arm and rest it on the window and just blankly toy with my hair a couple of times. Did that make my awkwardness seem any less apparent? Prolly not. hehe.

I can't tell you what we talked about, coz even I don't remember. It was just like a flow of a current running through, not knowing how fast, how slow or what it is that's going on.

We parked at Cineleisure a.k.a. e-Curve (H said the name has been changed, for what purpose I have no idea. I told him, maybe they were being sued for having the same name as some other mall overseas. Right.). After coming out of the car, we walked side-by-side, I remember telling him "You look a lot taller than I remember". (which was a line I remember Eva Mendes telling Will Smith in my all-time fav movie, Hitch. I have no idea why I said that. But he did look taller than usual, or, have I shrunk?)

We walked to the Curve to have dinner at Sakae Sushi, coz we planned the night before to have something oriental..lol. I told him NO chinese food (coz he loves chinese food). He asked "would Indian food be okay?" I told him, "just becoz it's Deepavali?". He just laughed and said OK, sushi then. So sushi it is.

We arrived at Sakae Sushi. The queue was long, so both of us went to the restrooms for a bit...to...rest? (btw, before heading to the restroom, I found out later on at home that Jenna & Eddie saw us there. More like, spying on us lol. Apalah korang nih hehe) When we came back, it was like magic. The line was gone! So, we got a table right there and then. We had trouble ordering coz H wasn't that hungry but wanted to check out the main course, but complained that it was too heavy. He ordered some sorta chawanmushi and we ordered our drinks, on the HP monitor. How cool is that? I told him I thought it was a touchscreen coz that's how they do it in Japan, I heard. And he pointed to the mouse. I was like, OK. Really thought it was touchscreen.

Anyway, time really flew by. Our movie starts at 11.15pm, so we left Sakae Sushi a lil after 10pm. We walked around, talked, and he asked whether I was interested to go to the arcade? Duh! Sure, why not? hehe.

When we reached that floor, turns out it was closed. We went to the other side and saw that the pool/foosball/karaoke section was still open. He invited me to play Foosball. At first I was like, uhhhh...I don't think I'm good at it, even though I have one at home. He was like, you must be good then. I was like...no.

In the end, I agreed to play.

The game didn't even last 5mins.....and I won. lol. I don't know, maybe he let me win or something. But that was h-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s. He wanted to play pool (30mins til our movie), I was like..."ho-kayyy. but I can't really play".

Baammm! I won. haha. And in time for the movie too. Well, maybe it was luck y'know. Coz I do suck at that game. I'm sorry, H. Maybe next time, eh? hehe.

Went to the movie, hall 10. Watched Surrogate. Good movie. I enjoyed it. In the movie, I think I understand why people would turn to surrogates, coz society expects perfection sometimes. And that's what surrogates portray, a society of perfection. But, that's all too fake. Hopefully, the real world won't turn out that way. Watch it. You might like it.

He bought us a couple seat, which gave me a start initially. I was like, "eh? mana the arm rest/tempat letak air?" He was like, "owh this is the couple seat." Owhhh. "You've never sat on one of these before?" "Nope". What a doofus Farah, lol.

So, end of the movie...walked to the carpark while talking about the movie, about family and stuff. Looked for the staircase to the carpark, and got lost for a while (told ya the Station Kopitiam angle was wrong, hehe). But, thank god we parked at a wall, so all we had to do was look for THAT wall (that was funny).

We drove back with the windows rolled down, coz his aircond was too cold and I wanted to feel the night air. We talked somemore on the way back. And when we arrived at the front entrance of the KJ aparment, we said our goodbyes:

H: I had a great time, hope to see you again soon
L: I had a great time, too. Yeah, definitely. Thanks so much for tonight.
H: You're welcome.
L: Drive safely, and wish your brother happy birthday for me.
H: hehe.OK. Goodnight.

Went to the apartment, was interrogated by Intan about how it all went and stuff. She said, things must've gone well becoz I had a wide smile on my face, which was, so involuntary.

All in all, it was fun. I could be myself around him, not restricted like with some guys I go out with. He is so tall and speaks fluent english, which is like a plus plus for me! The flow of conversation was good, too.

He text me just now, asking my availability since my classes start this Monday. I told him, yeah, I'm free at night, if there are no study groups. He asked about curfew and I tole him there is none, lol. Good 'ol KTDI. Okie dokie, I think my entry is too long. Pretty sure most of you won't last up to this point. So, I'ma head off not. Talk to ya later!

.me thinky, me caught a...fish? l e n a.

wonder years, great days

Dear Blog,


Alhamdulillah. I passed =)

I seriously can't believe it. But I did pass.

I really don't know what to say. I'm overwhelmed. I'd like to thank of course Tok Mum, Tok Wan and Mommy for praying for my, well I wouldn't say "success", but "achievement" sounds fitting.


I looked back on the days pre-, during, and post-exam...did I really deserve it?


Only God and my family knows what I've been doing during my study week and exam week. I even forget my notes at my dorm, Mommy even jokes about it now. But the truth is, it isn't a joke. And I was really, really scared about my results this time. I spent more time with my family than I did with books.

I'm so overwhelmed by this semester's result. I can't think of anything to say. I can't help but to be thankful, grateful and bersyukur.

When I told my family that I had passed, they all looked so proud! That lifted some sort of burden off my chest. It was weird. I felt so light. I felt like I just did a good deed, you know, that feeling you get when someone thanks you for helping them cross the road, or, hold the elevator door open when they come running from the car park, or, just simply hold the door open for people.

It was an achievement that even I was unsure of.

I always get dreams when something important comes. And most of them coincidentally comes true. The examples are of course, the ones I keep telling everyone about - not to boast, but to explain how weird and unexplainable things can be.

.SPM. A week before SPM, I dreamt that I was answering questions specifically about the Chinese exams and about Rome, which were ASKED during our SPM Sejarah essay paper. Thanks to that dream, I got an A1 for Sejarah.

.Matrix. The day before the 1st semester results were announced at the Dewan, I dreamt that I had 4.00 and was hugged by Tok Mum and Tok Wan at their home. That was a great feeling. Turns out, I did get 4.00 that day.


So, last night, I dreamt a dream in a dream, over and over again. It was difficult to know whether I was really awake or still dreaming. It was weird. And the dreams were about my results and how I failed for my community medicine (JKM) posting. Everytime I was dreaming in my dream, I failed, and everytime I woke up in my dream, I still failed my exam. So I thought, that was real, you know? I really did fail. I remember being so down, sad, depressed.

But, when I woke up for real, I really knew I was awake. I couldn't count how many times I had awaken from my dream, coz, I just didn't wake up. I know it doesn't make any sense, but it was scary. And, since my dreams were usually true (or so I believed), I thought, crap! Am I going to fail? Am I gonna get bad news later? No one knows how scared I was to find out my results. Palms sweaty, palpitations, can't sit still, mind drifting off somewhere.

Was I gonna fail?

When I got the text message from Fatin, I felt sooooo relieved and ridiculous! What the? Seriously?? Pheww. She even called afterwards, but, I just didn't know what to say. I'm afraid to hurt anyone's feelings coz this is a very sensitive moment. So, like they say, if you have nothing to say, don't say anything at all. And when I got the call from Ain, I didn't know how to tell her that I knew already. So, I just let the conversation flow. Thanks for calling Ain, it meant a lot to me.

Anyway, I gotta go now. I forgot to reply H's message. We're going out tomorrow. Sushi for supper, and a movie afterwards. Wish me luck =)

.a passing streak? l e n a.

give it a shot

Dear Blog,

My room at our KJ aparment is done! Sarah's grocery shopping stuff have been bought!

So, it's only logical to do what I did the whole day today.....



SLEEP!!! yay!



I've been anticipating this kinda sleep ever since my exams were over. Now, only now do I get to indulge in a whole-day slumber!


But then again, when I awoke, I had that whole arthralgia, myalgia, headache symptoms going on. So, note to self : Don't oversleep. It's bad for your body, mind and soul. Ha Ha. As if I would listen to myself there.


OK. What's been going on?

Two guys a girl and a nasi lemak stall

But, the latter has really nothing to do with the next story.


I've been getting to know this guy, H. He's really funny, tall, good english (vocab, grammar), talented (plays the keyboard and a bit of guitar) and artistic. Not to mention smart - coz he's already working as a junior architect somewhere in KL. Jenna and her boyfriend, Eddie, introduced us.

The only problem right here is....he's just a bit....different face-to-face. Not physically, just personality and attitude wise. Coz physically he's really ok. He's got that chinese look going on, that I like hehe. The long hair, though, I'm not so keen about that..lol. He's a rocker. He's in a band called the Irotori, a death metal band. So, don't ask me why he has really long hair hehe.

Ok so, we've been contacting each other through FB, YM and on the phone. No, not talking but texting. I really don't like to chit-chat on the phone (H's excuse for me was that because I didn't like the phone going all over-heated and stuff.. Right.. haha) I really like the him on the phone and online, but meeting him in person is kinda...again, different. How so? Can't explain. It just...is.

H has been texting me every single day. Initially, I didn't feel like replying all his messages coz he asked too much, hehe. And the stuff we talked about was so very random, Jenna calls this "sickness"...loose of association. Talks about things that have nothing to do with the stuff he was talking about. Hehe, but he really is funny, in a dopey kinda way. Which I find cute, sometimes. He even hints about us, and asked me out a couple of times. Just last night, he invited me out to go watch a movie with him sometime. I told him, we'll just see first. Coz knowing me, I'm not that fond of socializing, lol. But, I couldn't help thinking about another guy, once upon a time, whom I usually text and go out with wayyy before I met H.

K...I've known K for years already. In and out of like. Now out, recently in. But, maybe I'm not so sure.

So, 2 nights ago I text K after receiving a message from him on YM. He didn't reply. Ouch. But then, last night he replied. Said he was sorry, bla bla bla. Initially, I had that butterfly feeling in the stomach. But later on, I didn't feel like texting him anymore. Just like that, I can fall out of like. How silly of me. So, from here on I thought about K and H.

K is a guy that's soo outta my league, is just a friend and wants to stay that way.

H, has been nothing but nice to me, excluding all the weirdness, I think we could have alotta fun together.

It's about time to put the past behind me. Let's just follow the flow Farah. If it don't workout, owh well, maybe someone else. But, I don't think I'd enjoy weighing "the i like, i don't like" scale with K anymore. It's very tiring.

So H, it's really nice to meet you. And, I would definitely like to watch that movie with you soon =)

.don't over-analyze, l e n a.

Family Business

Dear Blog,

WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?!

Gila misunderstanding! Ngok betul! Bangang.

Hello-oO who the heck cakap kitaorang tak nak tolong? Please lah, we didn't know shit about what was going on.

I had no idea YOUR stuff wasn't settled yet. Nobody said anything.

Tiba-tiba nak explode plak semalam. So, my natural reflex response was to explode back.

F.Y.I.: Me and Jenna JUSTTTTT finished our exams last Tuesday kott. Sheeeshhh! And we were cleaning and drilling the KJ apartment non-stop for the past few days. Bukan kitaorang free sangat. Sheeeshh!

Dumm dumm DUMMM!!

Kan dah kena sepak 3 kali.
Once on the left cheek
Twice on my nose. Technically, that was more like a punch. Seriously, I thought my nose bled, rupa-rupanya, it was just mucous.

Gila arr. It's been years since I was slapped.


But, then again. It was my fault. I shouldn't have exploded that way. Should control my anger before exploding. Should count to 10 before yelling. Should always try to keep my mouth SHUT!

Kan dah. I did shut my mouth, only after I got slapped..lol!

That was funny, though. After got slapped, I was shocked! Terus tak cakap apa-apa.
(Hmmm...somehow, I could hear Big Bro saying "padan muka"...hmmmm. lol)

Serves you right, Farah! You are one rude, son-of-a-gun.

That's it. Can anyone recommend me any Anger Management clubs or something I can join? With a very good looking counselor to motivate me so I won't miss any of the sessions?

.you suck (you..is ME!), l e n a.

home like place no there's

Dear Blog,

Finished exam! Clean room! Go home!

That's the stuff on my list, and so far, the first and second can be checked off.
Now, a lil bit of elaboration on both checked off items.

My JKM OSCE exam

ehem.ehem.

What the fudge!?!! Susah nak mampus okayyy! Elaboration enough for ya?
God, I think Internal Medicine was easier, and I'm not saying that it is....get the picture?
And through-out the whole OSCE exam.........

Remember that one blog entry I wrote about that Doc, whom I gave a bad first impression to just because I'm from Subang? Well, turns out she was the doc in charge of my group's rotation. Weeee. Could you believe that? What are the odds of that?

Oh, and guess what?? When the first bell rang, it hadn't even been more than a minute and she came next to my station and observed me answering my questions. Of course, I only looked through my peripherals. As soon as I felt that she LINGERED a lil too long - with her arms crossed over her chest (like Dr. Bru said, that's a very offensive body language), I stopped writing and turned my head towards her. After that, she moved along to the next station. That cost me 15 seconds of the teeny-weeny 5 minutes that I had to answer all these impossible questions at this station. Can you say....menggelabah???

Then a few stations after, I kept seeing her coming and going, walking to and fro. I know she was just checkin whether any of us were cheating and stuff, but I just got too annoyed already.

Plus! The PPD sucked here too! Now, I ain't gonna touch on that coz that's a whole different blog entry just waiting to be written.

Cleaning my room

Not much to say here only that my room was in a mess (note the "was"? It's clean now =D). I'm like that during my exam mode. I can't give a crap about the cleanliness of my room coz I just don't have time to. Plus, I sleptover my friend, Assila's room during the exam week. So, my room was vacant (hopefully =S).

Owhh, here's a story. As I opened my window, to let my room and myself breathe, I heard this strange noise behind me. It sounded like someone slapping the wall, that flat, slappy sound (I have no idea how to explain it). So, I turned to face the wall opposite my window and then.... just then......

A friggin cicak BESAR gedabak, green/yellow colour was on the stupid wall!! EeEeEeEeEwWw!!
I was so stupid enough to look at it for a long time, and I saw it's stomach move symmetrically upon breathing. In other words, I saw it's belly inflate and deflate. EeEeEeEewWwWw!! What the heck was I thinking? Didn't I have anything better to do than to watch a disgusting creature like that breathe?? Silly Farah.

Yeckk! Guhhhhh.....disgusting. I can still picture it in my mind. Yuck! Yuck!

Going home

I've set my mind, I'm leaving KTDI at 3pm. Why? To beat the suckas before peak hour. I'm driving a manual car and will be using the Federal Highway. What do you expect me to do?

.there's no place like home, l e n a.

i will never date someone by the name of Ryle, Kyle, Myle or anything that sounds like it

Dear Blog,














What the heck is a Ryle's tube?!

F.Y.I.: During my O.S.C.E. exam, we were required to help convince a Standardized Patient (SP, people hired by our lecturers to act according to the scenario they created) to bring her dad back home after completing his treatment at the hospital. The words "RYLES TUBE" came up....mind got blank....how am I spose to friggin' convince someone when I dunno what the heck that is??

The funny thing is, that SP kept asking "jadi, macam mana saya nak jaga ayah saya nanti? macam mana dengan Ryles tube? Macam mana nak bagi makan? Jenis makanan apa saya boleh bagi dia?"

OK.

1. pandai gila this patient's daughter bleh tau that the name is Ryles Tube when I don't even know. How "realistic".

2.what's with the 1001 questions about Ryles tube? I thought we were spose to convince her about taking care of her dad at home?

3.i suck at being fake, and acting like a stupid untrained Hollywood star wannabe. No more PPDs, please!

4.i guess i'm not good at convincing and manipulating people when someone's breathing down my neck..grrrrr!

5.three and a half years of taking medic, i've learned that it is in our syllabus to be good at acting. Patients!!! BEWARE!! All your doctors are FAKE!!! muahahahah

.what kinda medic student are you? l e n a.

the apartment is half empty

Dear Blog,

It's been 2 nights since Anwar's departure, and for those 2 nights I've been sleeping at our aparment KJ - once with Ritz, and last night with Jenna and her friends who came over to crash for a while before heading for college today.

Here's what's been dancing around in my mind lately:

Both Ritz and I felt some sort of emptiness in our daily activities. Both him and I feel the need to step back from society for a while and lessen our interactions with other people. Why? Beats me. We just don't really feel like talking to people right now.

Talked to Ritz the other day, he told me that he wasn't used to hanging out with me. Then, I asked "How'd you do it with Sarah dulu?". He said, "Tak tau." I was like, "Bukan ke Sarah was like rarely at home je?" Ritz replied, "A'ah". Then I said, "oklah camtuh, you do your thang and I'll do mine. We don't need to talk to each other. (Ritz nodded).. You're so boring! God! Where's Sarah when I need her! (joking lah of course)"...and he replied with a laugh.

I feel bored like every 1min of the day. And we have 24 hours in a day, so times that with how many minutes in an hour.......wait, my mathematical skills are a bit rusty...(mumbles to self, calculating with fingers...)

OK, ok, start slowly Farah.

1 day has 24 hours. 24 hours has = ____ mins
so in order to get that I'd have to times 24hours with 60mins

24 x 60 = 1440mins/day (that correct?)

.in conclusion, Farah Lyna feels bored 1440 times a day ever since her siblings left her all alone, doing God knows what.

There you have it, calculations, the highlight of my day today.

I wonder how Big Bro and Leanna's doing? When is his interview? Did he get the job he applied for? How are Leanna's classes fairing? Read her blog, she mentioned standing up at the back of her class due to its insufficient capacity. Boy, what a way to start University, eh, Sarah? hehe. I'm sure you're famous now =p haha

The KJ apartment doesn't feel so welcoming now. It used to feel like home when all 5 of us were staying there. I felt safe. Coz that's what F.A.R.I.S. makes me feel - security. Not needing parents, it's always been the 5 of us since Mommy and Daddy's divorce. Everywhere I turn to, it'll remind me of either Sarah or Anwar.

The TV - Anwar
The foosball table - Sarah
Sarah's room - Anwar and Sarah (coz Anwar crashed there while the 3 girls slept in Jenna's room. Hope you enjoyed Sarah's lil YoVille decor Anwar, eheh.)
The kitchen - Anwar (coz he's always mumbling about the insufficient stock of food we have HA HA)
The Rock Band set - SARAH! Who am I gonna Rock Band with now?? =((

and the list goes on.

It's not only that you know? It's the whole environment. I miss the whole havoc. Everyone yelling at each other, making silly jokes, again, yelling at each other, then sharing each of our life stories. Excluding Ritz, he just mostly listens and adds his sound effects LOL!

Gosh. Empty, empty. Thank god I'm having my exams otherwise my mind will be naught but blank. Drifting through the days like a zombie.

.when will it be half full? l e n a.