Obsessed

Dear Blog,

How far would you go to protect what's yours?

Just got back from watching Obsessed with Ain Musa and Fatin.

All in all, it was a good movie, not great just good.

The plot was interesting, the characters were good. I didn't really notice that characters other than the main ones had less scenes in the movie until Fatin mentioned it. I think some supporting actors should play a role in helping Derek (Idris Elba) come clean...btw, it was as though Derek didn't get the chance to prove he was innocent in this whole ordeal.

Wish there was more elaboration to Patrick's relationship with Lisa (Ali Larter), just to know if it was Patrick himself that gave all the information about Derek over some cosmo-sipping, gossip nights with Lisa..OR..Lisa actually took 'em infos from the computer while she was a temp at the office.

I'd also like to know whether it was her who caused both Patrick and Marge to have the "stomach flu" that made them ill for a few days.

The relationship between Derek and Sharon (Beyonce) was sweet and their son, Kyle was also sweet. They had an open, honest, adorable relationship until that bizatch came along LOL.

Detective Reese should've showed some sorta reaction when she interviewed Lisa at the hospital and Derek at the office. Did she believe them? No? I was confused. Maybe reveal some evidence that might lead the detective into believing that Lisa really is a psycho. Lisa was supposed to run some tests at the Psychiatric clinic. What were the results from that? Again, no elaboration there.

I'd like to say kudos to Ali Larter for successfully making me hate her in the movie. Way to go! I'd say she was brilliant at making people know that she's the villain and the mastermind behind the whole "affair". Memang geram gila siot. I'd like to give her a big B****-slap haha.

Beyonce was fairly good in controlling her emotions, but sometimes I saw the way she struts was a lil off. There was a part where after she called and got Lisa's answering machine, she wanted to show that "who's incharge now?" kinda walk...it looked a bit awkward.

There was also another part where she was angry after the hospital meeting with Derek and the detective, both husband and wife were fighting in their kitchen at home. Sharon threw a plate out of anger...but that too looked...awkward. As though she hesitated before smashing the plate. Hehe, I don't know it could be just me. You guys should check it out yourselves, eh?

After watching this movie, it sorta confirms my fear of committments. What if in the future, I won't be as lucky to have a good, loving and loyal husband like Derek? Affairs are common nowadays. Are we to keep our husbands on a leash? To not let them talk to other beautiful women?

Even if the husband is good, what of the home-wreckers? How do we stay away from them? Okay, okay. Guess I should stop right here, I've class in the morning tomorrow.

This movie is good to watch if you're in the mood to watch a bit of action + romance + comedy + a bit of thriller I guess. Watch with friends, it'll be a bore if you were to watch it alone. I'm pretty sure guys would love the cat-fight scene between Beyonce and Ali, LOL.

.all's fair when love is war, l e n a.

snapping fingers

Dear Blog,

Huh..it's so hard not having any internet access at home. I'd always have to hop somewhere like McD, Starbucks, Old Town or even CC just to get some internet juice.

I've been going to the CC for 2 days, and guess what? I started playing Counter Strike again! eheh..I miss that game. I didn't know people still played it though. Thought it's DOTA and COD only.

Had a blast! Got one of the highest frags hehe (don't mean to brag, but I just gotta!) I love playing the terrorist y'know. I love using the B44 (don't know the name of the weapon) and Desert Eagle. Give me those and I'll storm the front~

Anyway, holiday's almost over. Time to snap back to reality. Next posting is JKM, don't know what to expect there. But, it's definitely wayyy more laid back than Internal Medicine...that I guarantee! =) toodles!

p/s: I'm at Starbucks right now, sipping on some Caramel Macchiato and munching on some banana chocochip muffin. It's to DIE for!! hehe

.yummy! l e n a

the tall, dark, white-silvery haired man

Dear Blog, (be advised, this might be a boring entry for I am writing about a dream that doesn't make any sense at all)

I had another nightmare that woke me up at 5.30am and made me unable to sleep afterwards because I felt scared shitless. Since I couldn't sleep, I went walking around the house. Just to see if everything was OK, safe and sound.


THE DREAM
This time, it was at a carpark.

Carparks, for me, are like a whole other portal of the underworld.

It's dark, gloomy, wet and silent.

Anything, ANYTHING can happen at the carpark. My heart races everytime I'm THERE, especially alone. I tend to walk faster, get paranoid and can't stop looking over my shoulder thinking, maybe, just maybe someone's following me.

Well, that's what happened in my dream.

Leanna and I just came back from..I dunno, shopping maybe. I don't remember anything prior to the carpark. So, there we were looking for Baby K (our cute lil white Kelisa) somewhere. When we spotted Baby K, we did the usual:

• Brisk walk
• Look over shoulder
• Enter the car with a racing heart
• LOCK THE DOORS! as soon as all limbs were safely tucked inside the car.

This is where the problem started.

Usually, automatic doors will lock all FOUR doors. In my dream, the passenger seat door was the only door that was left unlocked.

I don't know why I was in the back seat, but at my peripherals I noticed a dark figure coming towards our car ON MY LEFT. So, I quickly locked that door the same time the figure tried to open it. The figure struggled to open the door, and paused....... to look at me.

...that gave me the chills...

Both Leanna and I were shocked to the very core and Leanna quickly started the car and began to reverse.

I saw that figure, or man, since it was a MAN. He was a tall dark figure, wearing all black with a long black coat, up to his knees and he had long, white silvery hair (something like Christopher Lloyd in the movie Dennis the Menace). Didn't see his face though, but his appearance enough was hair-raising.

As the car reversed, I saw 2 innocent chinese bystanders - A chinese boy and a chinese man (prolly the dad) walking towards their car. The scary man went to attack those 2 people. Now at this moment, I was thinking the exact same thing Leanna was actually doing. I wanted to run this guy down with the car, but Leanna was already doing so. But, like every bad thriller movie, the villain evaded our car (damn!). That gave time for the 2 chinese people to run to their car, though (phew!). Ok, so after this, those chinese people were outta the picture already.

The scary man was furious, so he went back after us. Baby K screeched out of the way and headed for the merry-go-round (this is that pusing-pusing thing most carparks have to get to the next floor below or above). The scary man had a gun (very cliche) and started shooting at us (missed us, but Baby K got hit) as he went to get his car. He then started chasing after us.

It was weird, the carpark felt HUGE! It felt like an eternity to get out.

I don't know why, but Jenna came into the picture. The unfair part about this was...huh...she was driving a friggin sports car (the night before, I went out with friends to Station 1 cafe, and saw a silver Ferrari parked outside. That's why it was in my dream). Yup, Jenna was driving the silver Ferrari.

But thanks to her, she distracted the scary man into chasing after her.

How the villain died? It was a boring, unexciting death. Jenna made a halt after speeding so fast the villain went off the carpark roof top (I don't remember being on the roof, though. Dreams can be so messy sometimes hehe).

After this, Jenna's car started getting out of control. She went to the merry-go-round, drifting as in the Tokyo Drift and the car suddenly jumped off the track to the middle of the merry-go-round (where there's a very big hole) and the car crashed downnnn belowwwww.

That shocked us (duh~ Jenna's like our big sis), so we went after it to see the crushed car, but no one was inside. Turns out, Jenna - the smarty dancing doctor, jumped out of the car before it crashed.

Then...I woke up.

At the end of the dream, things weren't THAT scary. It was the man himself. He was scary. You can't imagine the feeling I got when I saw him staring at me. I don't remember seeing his face at all, but knew, he was staring at me. It's too frightening to describe actually.

As usual, the more I write, the less I remember. But, this is roughly how the dream went.

Moral of the story:

Lock your doors as soon as you get in your car, it don't matter where you are and what time of day...JUST DO IT!

.the world is so NOT safe nowadays, l e n a.

post-short case

Dear Blog,

Oh snap!

Bodoh gile!

Blank like hell!

Stuttered like an a**!

I apologize to both Dr. Loo and Dr. Azira for having to observe my horrible, horrible short case.

I really blew it. I hope I didn't fail =(((

I got Respiratory System patient:

• trachea deviated to the right (ipsilateral deviation)
• reduced chest expansion on the right
• dullness and reduced breath sound & vocal resonance on the right

differential dx: pulmonary fibrosis????

and RHEUMATOLOGY patient:

• swellings at the MCP joint
• symmetrical joint involvement
• Z deformity, swan-neck deformity
• ulnar deviation
• no psoriatic nail changes (eg: nail pitting)
• loss of functional ability of hands
• no psoriatic plaques and no rheumatoid nodules

differential dx: Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA)????


weyhh...apa ni? I forgot the proper steps on how to do the hand examination for RA. I was shocked. It stated there on the white piece of paper, with bold letters "EXAMINE THE PATIENT'S HANDS".

After seeing that trigger, bye-bye. Brain shutdown. Ka-boom!

Crap. Please lah, I don't wanna re-sit this exam again. Don't wanna fail! =( The nerve-wrecking moments are hard to tolerate with.

.shakes head, l e n a.

Pre-short case

Dear Blog,

Shocked. Tomorrow's the big day!

Short Case. The longest 20mins of our lives.

After that, Harry Pothead at Times Square people!! yay! I'm not much of a follower, but I just gotta get out after the exam.

Systems to be covered:

1. CVS (my personal favorite)
2. RS
3. Abdomen
4. CNS
5. Misc. (Rheumatology, Dermatology, Endocrinology, Haematology)

Only 2 out of these systems will be assessed. And each of 'em consists of gazillions and gazillions of diseases and syndromes.

And you wonder why my head is exploding? lol.

Last night I had study group with Amzar, Assila & Fatin. Discussed about the misc. systems. Later today, CVS, RS and Abdomen. Tonight...CNS!!! The worst system ever. Don't get me wrong, some people do like it coz the steps are repetitive and pretty simple if you practice enough. I just don't like it coz it can't get through my thick skull.

People, wish me luck. InsyaAllah, I will remember all the stuff that I read, and doakan whatever that's assessed IS the stuff that I've read.

Macam tak sempat nak cover all the diseases, so time to study smart! Fatin and I will be in the first session tomorrow, meaning we'll be in the first group rotation. After we're done, other groups will follow one by one. Yikes, I'm so scared!! =S

.the end is near, l e n a.

the explanation

Dear Blog,

3 events occurred today that shot my self-esteem back to ZERO.

I won't elaborate more on that, but let's just say it's about my physical appearance.

3 times today, I got slapped in the face (figure of speech). Thanks to that person, that person and also that person. I am a sensitive person and to me, only family members and close friends are allowed to make those kinds of teguran.

All my life, I've been telling everyone that I hated school, be it primary or secondary. Don't get me wrong not all schools are bad. The Kindergarten and Elementary school in Canada was fun, but the school here stinks, frankly speaking. Well, maybe not the school itself but more to the people that make up the school. Teachers and students, hated all the same.

I know, such harsh words but that's how I feel and there's nothing in this world that can make me think otherwise.

So, what happened during those awful years at school that makes me feel sick to my stomach just listening to the word "school"?

Here are a few events that happened that I'm willing to share, and that I've never told anyone before:

• After having been schooled abroad, my dad was offered to become the Assistant General Manager at Telekom Malaysia so my family and I were stationed here when Leanna and I were in grade 2 (standard 2). The first school we tried out was Sri Kuala Lumpur (Sri KL), an international school near our grandparents' home. Turns out, we didn't qualify coz our Malay stank.
• The admissions exam was funny actually. They gave pictures and we had to name the thing or animal in Malay. I remember seeing a squirrel, but didn't know what it was called in Malay..so, I prolly failed that paper. So, my siblings and I didn't pass that test.
• We tried out another international school, MAZ International school. I hated that place too, coz the kids there were all rich, they looked down on people and they backstabbed everybody. I remember someone offering me a can drink, I accepted it and when I opened it the gas drink splashed everywhere on me. I heard snickerings around me. Turns out, they shook the can before giving it to me.
• Hated that place. Months later, Tok Wan introduced us to his friend, who happened to be the Principal (Headmaster, as you call it here) at SKSS17. So we got in that public school. It was OK initially, got friends and everyone was intrigued by these twin sisters from Canada. Later, 2 groups were fighting saying that we belonged to their groups and shit. They said we had to pick. We didn't know crap, so we chose one group since we were in the same class and all. Then, the other group started hating us and talking behind our backs. Shiiiit.
• Another event at that stupid school was this stupid teacher that I will forever hate. Her name was Pn. Juliana. I remember McD had that lunch promotion where a burger cost like a few cents and stuff so my dad always brought us there. That teacher and her husband always ate there too. It isn't in me to go up to a teacher and say "Hi!", I was only standard 2 at the time and I was shy. She and her husband took that personally saying my sister and I dissed them and was disrespectful for not saying hello.
• So, a week after that she scolded me in front of the whole class saying I was disrespectful to her and her husband at McD, and that she didn't wanna see my face there anymore (yeah, like she owns the place). I was shocked of course. Like, what the hell? The whole class was silent, prolly wondering what the hell was going on and shit. She was my science teacher. She made me hate science. After that, every little mistake I made I got scolded for. My writing was ugly then, my "K" looked like an "L" and "C" combined, and she scolded me for that too. There was once where my friend borrowed my book, and we had to pass it up the day after but my friend didn't come to school. So I had to stand in front of the class and I got slapped coz she thought I was giving excuses.
• Other events, Secondary school - SMKSS17. My batch, the girls were all the pretty and gedik people. Popular for their looks and skinniness and pandai layan lelaki-ness. So, they definitely made me feel ugly. Other than that, everytime my "friends", Leanna and I would go out...they would always stare at us UP and DOWN. Indicating that they thought we had bad taste in clothes. FYI, we're not as rich as you guys.

There are more, but, it's just too painful to relive again. Maybe in the near future eh?

The only best thing about school were SPORTS, BAND and CHEERLEADING. The boys in that school sucked too coz most of em were intimidated by my twin and I, for being an all-rounder. I am only grateful to have known my dearest friend Anip from that awful SMKSS17 school.

.now you know, l e n a.

Long, Short..what's the diff?

Dear Blog,

Just came back from Prof. Shahrir's class, regarding our short case exam next week.

I hope ya'll don't mind, but I feel like expressing myself here for awhile.

My thoughts were clear before entering DK1. Not a lot of worries going through my empty brain. But, as Prof's slideshows kept changing and changing to explain a bit about each of the systems that are to be assessed next week..worry was all I could think of.

Why is it, that I've gone through these illnesses and diseases over and over again but to have it not stick inside my brain? Why is it so hard to stay calm and just tawakal with what's to come but to prepare myself completely first.

Clinical years is definitely interesting, for all the knowledge I've learned over the past few years are put to test. The prob right there is : Do I still have that knowledge?

And why is it so hard to concentrate right now? How come going back home is a must at the end of every week? Can't I just stay here and study with my friends?

No. I miss my family too much.

But, that's another prob too. I can always visit them after my exams are finished, right? Why the heck am I so eager to go back home? Other than spending time with the fam, I always spend over-budget and waste my time not studying when STUDYING is what I should be doing.

Shit. Should I just tell Leanna to not pick me up this week? Should I just stay here and focus? Duh~ It is THAT obvious. But, to be in my place and knowing the situation I am in with the fam, you would know how difficult it is to choose between them and education.

After class, my mood went from one to none. So, here I am blogging about it. I have an observed Long Case tomorrow with Dr. Nurazira (don't the exact spelling). She's a Dermatologist and I heard from her students that she's really nice. Right. We'll just have to see about that. I've made up my mind, I wanna volunteer as the first student to be assessed. That way, everything will be over and done with quickly. I can concentrate on my Short Case exam nest week.

Long Case: Clerk a random patient in the ward, but the examiner will observe us at that moment as well as the other 4 members in your group. After taking history, you are required to do a Physical Exam (PE) relevant to the history taken. This usually takes up to 30-45mins, depending on your examiner. It can be about anything! That's the hard friggin' part =(

Short Case: Do PE only at patients reserved at every station in the clinical practice ward. The patients are pre-picked weeks before the exam and is to be examined for a whole 10mins max. This is even worse, for if you fail this, you will fail your WHOLE POSTING! Each student is required to do 2 short cases on the exam day, in front of Supervisors, Consultants and/or Specialists. Very nerve-wrecking! =((

.focus.gone, l e n a.

inter-batch league

Dear Blog,

Jenna & Leanna are on their way to pick me up from KTDI. So, here I am blogging.

Tomorrow's the big day. Liga antara Tahun! As usual, I can't keep still. I have to join any sporting events. My team and I will be playing volleyball and netball against the 4th year students. We're team RED! They're team BLUE!

Can't wait! I love sports!! hehe. It's just too bad there's no Handball though. That's my speciality. SUKEM coming soon, hopefully I can try-out for the Futsal team here. My buddy was recruited for last year's team and they won 3rd place. Not bad. I'd like to try being the goalkeeper this time. That seems like fun.

Took this picture last year. Nice eh? Belum lagi guna SLR tuh hehe.

Alritey, ciao-ow!

.ecstatic, l e n a.

eye wash

Dear Blog,

Had class with Dr. Asri (my group's Registrar) today....huhhhhhhhh....

Bestlah this doc. I like him sooo very, very much! haha
He was so cute and adorable today! He was in a good mood so everything was fun! He made cute jokes and stuff with our group. He's Malay, Chinese looking, and a bit short for my taste and chubby too. But he's so adorable and funny! I loike!

So cute! Suka! Suka! hehe

Hey, I'm not gatal okayy. I just enjoy a good "eye wash".

Another doc that cleanses my eyes is Dr. Vincent - a very, very young-looking specialist (don't know his exact age but he looks really young for a specialist). OMG, this doc is so good looking. A chinese doc from UK, his accent...is so funny but cute and his voice is loud but nice to listen to. But then again, his voice sounds as though he speaks through his nose a.k.a. sengauuuu.

My friend, Moh says Surgery posting is like the wireless hotspot for HAWT docs. Can't wait for that! Haha

.I now have clean eyes, l e n a.

the benefit of the doubt?

Dear Blog,

To doubt? Or not to doubt?

That was what I was thinking on the way back to my dorm when I saw two boys hanging out in front of my dorm block gate. Since I don't know their names, I'll just call 'em by the features I noticed first - The Dark One (TDO) and The Chubby One (TCO).

As I climbed up the stairs in front of my gate, suddenly TDO called to me, asking whether I had minyak or not? While TDO asked me this, I saw TCO went to sit down on the bench, which was beside my block's water cooler. I thought, OK, maybe this kid is hurt in some way.

As a future doctor, I shouldn't be doubting when people ask for help. What kinda low-life doctor would I be? This is how it went:

• lena: kenapa ni dik? saya tak ada minyak lah.
• TDO: kawan saya terluka, jatuh.
• lena: yeke? jatuh kat mana? (so I went to see TCO)
• TCO: kat kaki (points at his right big toe)
• lena: (examines the toe. no blood, no scratch, not even inflamed. nothing)
• TCO: tapi tak lukalah, cuma sakit je
• lena: owh..ok. dik tinggal kat mana?
• TDO: dekat flat kat belakang tuh
• lena: (so what are they doing all the way over here?) owh yeke? umm, sorry lah dik..saya tak ada minyak. just jalan tu baik-baik sikit ok?

(I started to walk to the block gate to swipe my gate card when I heard TDO snickering. I tried to ignore that and swiped my gate card. I started pulling on the gate for it to close faster. For God's sake, this has gotta be the slowest electric gate ever. Siap bunyi beep-beep-beep lagi, but still tak tutup-tutup. I waited til it was shut tight when...)

• TCO: (whispers to TDO) owhh, ada kad rupanya
• TDO: patutlah
• lena: (I was already safely on the other side of the locked gate as I turn around and asked) apa dia dik?
• TCO: ni kak, nak tanya. ade tak pape barang hilang?
• lena: hilang? apa maksud dik?
• TCO: barang kena curi
• lena: tak tahu plak. kenapa ye?
• TDO: sebab ada kawan saya, M**** penah naik sini. curi laptop semua
• lena: yeke? bila tu?
• TCO: dalam bulan 2 macam tu
• lena: saya tak tahu. macam mane dia boleh naik?
• TCO: kan sebelum ni tak kunci
• lena: (they've been here before, coz they knew that the keycard wasn't installed then). owhh, macam mana kawan tu boleh masuk pintu asrama ye?
• TCO: dia panjat kat tingkap lah
• lena: owhh...cakap kat kawan tuu..jangan nakal-nakal (and so I pulled a garang face to them, which made them started to move along)
• TCO: Ok

(TCO and TDO were mumbling something, I couldn't hear what though. I didn't keep my eyes off of them til they were outta sight. What I saw was suspicious. TCO was walking in a tempang manner, then after they thought I couldn't see them, TCO started to walk normally again.)


I'm not stupid OK. I live in Subang, a buatan Malaysia ghetto neighborhood. I trust my instincts when I start to get suspicious of someone.


Previously, here in Kolej Tun Dr. Ismail (KTDI), there had been many cases of break-ins and burglaries. Missing laptops, handphones, money and cameras to name a few. That's why our colleges installed an electric gate that requires a card to be swiped to get it unlocked. I'm not sure if there has been any cases recently, but I'm pretty sure it's less compared to the times when the gates were left unlocked and wide open for whomever to sneak in and break in.

Here's a message for all of you KTDI residents:

1. Keep your windows and doors locked whenever you're not in your apartment/dorm/block.
2. Make sure the block gate is closed shut everytime you go in and out.
3. Never leave your keys and keycard for someone to steal.
4. Hide your valuable belongings in a locked closet or something if you don't trust anyone, not even your housemates.

p/s: I'm off to make a report to the office about these two kids later. This is some serious shit going on here.

.a community service message brought to you by, l e n a.

I will never look at a microphone the same way..ever

Dear Blog,

• Doc: tell me what you see
• Med student yg pandai(MSYP): there is opacity...at the...left lung
• Doc: this is a lateral view, so there's no way you can tell if it's on the right or on the left
• MSYP: uhhh...ohhh
• Doc: so where is this opacity? superior or inferior?
• MSYP: uhhhh....inferior?
• Doc: inferior???
• MSYP: uhh...superior, superior.
• Doc: so, if it's inferior.. you're referring to this right here? (points at the lower part opacity of the chest x-ray)
• MSYP: ummm...yeah?
• Doc: that is the cardiac shadow
• MSYP: (palpitation) owhh (shyt!)

This happened to me about an hour ago at our Chest Radiology lecture..in front of alotta other medical students from my posting and other postings as well. (note to self: never sit near the microphone EVER again!)

Ahhhh! Malu gilaa..nak nangis! =(

.a very embarassed l e n a.

converse deeply

Dear Blog,

Today was good (there's no such thing as a great day in medic, lol).

Didn't have class with Dr. ****!!! Wah-oooOOo!!!!

Damn, I tell you arr that doctor can make you go crazy one. Dahlah marah orang tak kena tempat, so you tend to get frustrated of him getting frustrated at you. Sheeeeshh.

I had dance prac at 6pm just now, but it turns out I was only dancing in my dreams, for I slept from after class til it was 7.30pm..yikes! Sorry for not going peepz. Later tonight, got prac with Kak Muzu, Kak Kanit and Aishah for our dinner peformance which is getting nearer and nearer. Both seniors will be singing an OST from Slumdog Millionaire and a Thai song. Aishah is on keyboard while I'm playing the guitar.

Speaking of guitar, I have a good friend of mine who wanted someone to serenade her Yuna's Deeper Conversation. So, I took the liberty of fulfilling that wish. The chords weren't easy to look for since I have the demo version and her guitar tuning was a bit off. So, I had to improvise and move up a couple of frets. Yes, I have ears for music *wink*

Hope you liked it =) Sorry if my voice isn't at all like Yuna's heheh. And I really hope it cheered you up a bit, yes?

I actually wanted to surprise her, but didn't know how to. I tried to send it through YM, but in the end I gave the song to her by pendrive coz the internet connection here is too slow!

Alamak, lapar lah. Nak makan. Bye-bye!

p/s: Yuna's chords aren't available online. So, if anyone wants the chords feel free to ask =)

.my fav color is blue, l e n a.

turn back time

Dear Blog,

I did it again. I hurt you again. In just one day, I made you cry twice...maybe even more, since you dare not show your weakness to others. Even so, I would always know when you cry.

I have so much pain and anger inside of me. I don't know why it's always you that I blow up to. I'm sorry. I dare not say it to you. I couldn't bear to see the pain in your eyes, for which I have caused yet again. I can only write it here, in my blog. I'm sorry.

I need someone to talk to, but I don't know who. It used to be you, but since it is you that I've hurt...who else to turn to?

Even if I did find someone to pour my heart and soul to, would it be the same? Would that person listen as how you listened? Would this new figure solve all my problems and lend a shoulder to cry on? I wouldn't know, for I trust no other person when it comes to my feelings and all things personal.

You are my mirror.
When I blink, you blink.
When you cry, I cry.
When you're hurt, I hurt myself too.

I need to talk to someone.

As I write this, my eyes have welled up again and my chest feels a sense of constriction and tightening, just as it had on my way back to KTDI just now...driving and listening to Paramore's CD.

KTDI...the hell-hole. I hate it here. I wish I could go back home.
But, you'd be there.

.tears, l e n a.

He...will...pay

Dear Blog,

I received a very disturbing phone call today, while I was chit-chatting and gossiping with my fellow colleagues.

The call was from *****, and that person was crying (I'm sure by now you know ***** is a girl...or just some sissy guy friend of mine)

A heartbroken friend.

The person who did this to ***** shall pay for doing this for the 6th time already. Just let it go, you guys should move on and only God knows ***** deserves better. There are alotta other fishes in the pond with nicer scales and...err...fins.

I've seen their relationship go on and off for friggin' 2-3 years already...maybe more if we include the numerous times they broke up and got back together again years before that.

*****, find someone else. That person hurt you too many times, all for different reasons...and stupid ones at that. He is a jerk, and an a**...and doesn't appreciate you at all. And, months after...he will definitely start looking for you...again. Just when guilt and regret starts building up inside of him. I don't wanna see you get hurt again, especially by this LOSER.

.furious, l e n a.