turn back time

Dear Blog,

I did it again. I hurt you again. In just one day, I made you cry twice...maybe even more, since you dare not show your weakness to others. Even so, I would always know when you cry.

I have so much pain and anger inside of me. I don't know why it's always you that I blow up to. I'm sorry. I dare not say it to you. I couldn't bear to see the pain in your eyes, for which I have caused yet again. I can only write it here, in my blog. I'm sorry.

I need someone to talk to, but I don't know who. It used to be you, but since it is you that I've hurt...who else to turn to?

Even if I did find someone to pour my heart and soul to, would it be the same? Would that person listen as how you listened? Would this new figure solve all my problems and lend a shoulder to cry on? I wouldn't know, for I trust no other person when it comes to my feelings and all things personal.

You are my mirror.
When I blink, you blink.
When you cry, I cry.
When you're hurt, I hurt myself too.

I need to talk to someone.

As I write this, my eyes have welled up again and my chest feels a sense of constriction and tightening, just as it had on my way back to KTDI just now...driving and listening to Paramore's CD.

KTDI...the hell-hole. I hate it here. I wish I could go back home.
But, you'd be there.

.tears, l e n a.