i am hem

Dear Blog,

As the days go by, I have had alotta time for myself...I have been thinking a lot about the past, present and future. About family, friends and the career I am about to dive into.

I am currently 24 years old, and if I were the old secondary school me I would totally comment that I am "tuanya!". But the truth is, age is nothing but numbers. What defines your true age is experience, maturity, and attitude.

24 years have passed, and I still feel the same. In the real world, some, if not most of us, would have found somebody special and begin to settle down with him/her. Attitude-wise, to respect one another, both young and old, defines how one was raised and how one would raise their own. Maturity, how we face the problems and unforeseen circumstances that might sway our initial plan in life and the decisions we make.

24. A number after 23, a number before 25.

However, one of the effects of the age number I have seen would be the decreasing endurance and motivation of the body and mind. As years go by, we get more and more tired. I for one, realized this during my occasional jog. My body lacks the athleticism it once harboured and my mind is not as proficient as it used to be. Other than that, my love for food (once upon a time), they are nothing but stomach-stretchers. I have difficulty in deciding what to eat everyday and often result to those "makanan orang bujang" (maggi, bread, cereal). Prolly because I am tired of deciding what to eat everyday. Something as simple as bread, or something as exclusive as a steak at Tony Romas? Well, money could be one of the main factors as well. My theory, the dynamics of money and gastric size are proportionate to one another. The smaller the wallet, the smaller the stomach. So, my wallet's almost always empty...and...well, i'll let you figure out what my stomach's like yourselves.

In life, yeah, there are ups and downs...but people often forget the plateau phase we go through. This plateau phase is what I call...the comfort zone. You can apply this in relationships, attitude, infections or whatever. I am sure all of you know how to apply this to relationships, and those in the medical field would definitely know what it is like in terms of infection. Attitude...is when we are not willing to change. Despite being told to change, or going through experiences that warrant us to change...being in the comfort zone means...not wanting to change, or the excuse we often use...being unable to change. Humans are wonderful creatures, and God has given them a brain to perceive, interpret and react internally and to their surroundings.

To initiate change is hard, but once initiated, you will find the wonders and perks about experiencing something new or seeing things differently. A very good book I've read recently was given to me from my brother-like cousin, "Who Moved My Cheese?". When I read it, initially I felt that the book was too simple, like a child's nursery rhyme or a bedtime story even. But, that's just it. I only READ it. I did not INTERNALIZE it. After, finishing the book, it took me awhile to actually apply it. And surprisingly, it did change me. If something does not go according to plan...at the back of my mind, I tell myself "someone moved my cheese". To those whom have read the book, you know what I'm talking about. I recommend it to the rest :)

by Dr Spencer Johnson



Anyway, so back to the whole point of my entry.

Why do I still feel the same?

It is because I have not changed.

Why have I not changed?

Because I do not want to change?

Why do I not want to change?

.Fear.

To Yearn and To Earn

Dear Blog,

Happy Birthday! Yeah, keep forgetting that I actually share my birth date with my twin lol. But, we are 2 very different beings. For instance, I am right now at home enjoying my anti-social life whereas she is now hanging out with her friends BBQ-ing and Karaoke-ing at one of their houses.

It's been awhile since my last entry (I keep saying this, don't I?). I have no more muse. I get writers' block often and always decide to not write and for that, I'm sorry.

Let's see.

Hmmmm...Alhamdulillah, He gave me many presents this year :

1. For my family to be around for my birthday

2. For giving me an opportunity to have Arwah Tok Mum in my dreams during those tough times

3. For letting my friends and I pass our final exam (though my thoughts and prayers are with my 14 other friends. be strong. i know you guys can do it!)

Those are just some of the things I can dig up superficially, but I am very grateful to Him for He is the Most Gracious and Giving.

Thank you to Mommy, for treating me to a very expensive meal at Coffee Bean as a graduation present. I loved the Smoked Salmon sandwich and Pure Vanilla!

Thank you to Tok Wan, Mommy, the siblings and Shafiq for treating us to the Secret Recipe lunch and mouthwatering desserts at Swensen's for our birthday. AND the very awesome Nike Shoes that I sooooo enjoyed using. So light, felt like wearing nothing but feet haha. Now I can practice my smashes for badminton heheh. My Power running shoes were loooong overdue, when it rains I can actually feel water seeping in because of them damn holes on 'em soles, lol.

And thank you Ridzy for the delicious cakes from Dr. Cafe! They sure were expensive, you didn't have to but thank you nonetheless.

Finally, thank you to everyone who wished us on our birthday! What is life without family and friends? As anti-social as I am, I do know how to appreciate the people in my life (...sometimes...)

.love my family to bits, l e n a.