Nothing But an Empty Bottle

Dear Blog,

Ever since I ended my 3rd semester, I've realized myself being more sluggish.

• I am less attentive during lectures
• I actually SLEEP in the lecture hall
• I find any possible opportunity to skip lectures
• I get bored during PBL sessions, not wanting to speak up like I used to
• I dont TOUCH my notes at all, therefore it is disorganized
• I lack excitement for my trips to PPUKM (that's not a surprise, though)

I can actually give you 101 examples but for now, let's just leave it at that.

Can somebody please help me? I don't think this is the right moment for me to lament on my choice of career, but I somehow feel as though my life is slipping away from me everyday. I am not social (I'm more of a family-person than going-out-with-friends kinda gal). I don't have a soulmate, for me to pour my heart and soul and to confide in (That chapter of my life has always been nothing but blank pages, hasn't been plotted and might as well never be). I'm jumping into a career path that my big bro, Anwar thinks "how very unlike you Farah". I'm 20 and already bored with life.

When is something exciting going to happen? What IS excitement anyway? Have I ever felt true excitement, or have I not even come close to the word 'excite'. All I know is, something better come up or I'll start doing something silly. However, please spare me those "when are you gonna change and start meeting new people from different crowds?" philosophy. I really am NOT the social type. Even if I can mingle sometimes, it's really difficult for me to click with someone I barely know. Trying to create a conversation proves to be tedious at times, and I really prefer you giving me an OSCE exam than that (you know how much I hate OSPE/OSCE exams. But at least I'm better at impulsive physical examination than commencing spontaneous conversations with a stranger).

Seriously, I have no idea what I'm blogging about but I just felt a sudden urge to. Maybe that's it for now. I feel tired. I have a histology practical tomorrow, and I haven't read anything about it. Scratch that, I haven't been reading anything about this new module of ours 'The Gastrointestinal Tract System' (G.I.T. for short). I have PBL on Thursday, and I also haven't been doing that. All in all, I've neglected my responsibility as a student and I'm so very disappointed in myself for being so ignorant and stupid. I have let my family down.

So when will I resurface and wake up again? Who knows. But what I do know is, I'm not really enjoying my life right now. And that would be my fault entirely, of course. I just ask of you this favor, do not touch this subject in my face. I wouldn't wanna get POed or anything like that. The only time I can get a peace of mind is when I'm with my family, and sometimes friends. l e n a out~