My dos and did

Dear Blog,

So like, I planned a lot before my holidays right. Like, bringing all 'em heavy medical books, lecture notes and schnit planning to kononnye study my GIT, Endocrine and possibly CNS modules to get me started for the coming finals that's like........*mental calculator* uhhhhh...very near now. Alrite, here I am blogging about the "plans" that had never took place but not actually doing anything about it. Sheeesh, know how disappointed I feel? (pointing finger at myself).

I also wanted to finish that developing website thingy for PPD, but ended up...not doing so. The only progress I know that's keeping me a bit busy during the hols is that 4KL multimedia thingy. Like, CRAP laa. Is it soooo hard to send photos of yourself? I mean, owh nak amik gambar for your friendster bleh la but for this thing? Tak nak? Sheeeeshh...they're cramping my style. Not all of 'em organisasi people of course. Just a few.

I wouldn't wanna name drop, but I'm pretty sure they know who they are due to the lack of response in my email and handphone inbox. Thanx a lot! (sarcasm will kill you one day Farah!)

Ok, so the stuff I did with family and friends

My beautiful mommy's birthday celebration!

Family BBQ!

The Loft with 7teen-ians~

OK, so all in all...I had an OK holiday. Just OK. All right! Catch ya later!

l e n a out!~

Just a Friend

Dear Blog,

Here's a small segment of Mario's Just a Friend

Oh baby you (oh baby you)

Got what I need (got what I need)

But you say I'm just a friend (say I'm just a friend)

But you say I'm just a friend

Cos I can be your (cos I can be your)

Fantasy

But you say I'm just a friend (say I'm just a friend)

But you say I'm just a friend

I wanna know you in and out

I wanna know what you're all about (I wanna know)

I wanna know what makes you laugh

I wanna know about your past

I wanna know how you move

I wanna know so I can move too (I wanna know)

But you're telling me I'm just a friend

Telling me I'm just a friend

You can call me anytime you like (oh anytime)

It doesn't matter day or night ( said it doesn't matter)

We can do whatever you (ohh)

Wanna do it's up to you

Don't fight the feeling that you feel (don't fight the feelin)

I can tell that its real

So won't you help me understand

Why you say I'm just a friend

LOL. Kinda cheesy, don't you think? But, whatever.

Apparently, no matter how hard I try to be of rid him from my mind, my heart and my life, he keeps coming back to haunt me. Why is this so? I have distant myself in any way I can, and he still comes back to me. But he tells me we're just friends. A friend of mine also thinks so when I asked her opinion. She said, "it's not wrong for him to want to be your friend, right?"

The truth is, it is wrong to me. The truth is, it hurts me. I can't bear talking to him, enjoying his company and always hoping for something more when there really isn't much to hope for but I'm just blinded by my silly, silly imaginations and pessimistic optimism.

How is it possible for someone to be so pessimistic and yet still hope for the best? Wondering to himself/herself, will there ever be a chance for us one day? Is that even possible?

He cares about me, as a friend. Yes, I know that. But doesn't caring also signifies that I mean something to him? At least a bit, if not much. Is it so hard for him to try and dig deeper, and maybe feel something for me too? I know, I'm in like way over my head to even think that someone like him would want someone like me. Just wishful thinking, I guess.

Owh well, what to do, right? I'm prolly just 'friend' material to most guys. It'd be sad to see all my friends and relatives get married and stuff, whilst I struggle in my quest of searching for just a boyfriend. But, not just a boyfriend. It's the boyfriend. The first ever in my whole pathetic 20 going on 21 years of my life.

l e n a out~