let's get lifted!

Dear Blog, (note: title from John Legend's song. love you)

So, yeah. Finally ended this slow-paced 1st semester of mine. Exams were kray-zee!

• Never knew Psychiatry was that simple and straightforward.
• Ophthalmology (Eyes) was fun!
• Never knew Otorhinolaryngology (Ear, Nose and Throat) was dynamite in the brain
• I always knew I hated Anaesthesiology. (This posting stinks and...I might not even pass *sad face* )

When I got back home and rejoiced with my family, a few heartbeats later I asked Jenna to help calculate the marks I might or might not have gotten for my Anaesthesiology paper. I like to analyze and estimate my marks post-exam to reassure myself that I can pass. I know, I'm digging my own grave here.

Then, after a few scribbles here and there Jenna calculated that I was barely above the passing grade. Crap! She also estimated that in order for me to have a borderline passing grade, my Continuous Assessment by my supervisors must be at least 20 out of 30. I'm really hoping that Dr. N is really nice and she would just give full marks for my Case Write-up and Log-book (this is really swinging for the fence).

So I cried afterward. I just couldn't accept the fact that I had a higher chance in failing that paper than actually getting a borderline pass. For "ANAESTHESIOLOGY"?? A minor posting? Yikes. People rarely fail for something so trivial, not that it's irrelevant in medicine it's just that people would usually save their "failure" for major postings. We are only allowed to fail 2 postings each year. Anything more, you'll have to repeat the whole year....just like that *snapping fingers*. Then all your friends whom have passed get to advance to the next year whilst you're stuck in the same year and you'll have to go through all those postings all over again with your juniors.

I cried. I was disappointed. I could have done better. I know I can. But I didn't. And now it's too late. I cried knowing that if I fail the 2 upcoming postings (Orthopaedics and Paediatrics), it's the end of the line for me. I'm gonna have to watch my friends graduate earlier than I would. Keep in mind that EVERYONE says that Ortho and Paeds has a high failure rate amongst medical students in my University.

But then Jenna advised me about something that really changed my perspective on things.

She told me the same thing she experienced last year during her 4th year doing medicine in MMMC. She failed Ophthalmology and was saving her failed papers for Internal Medicine (IM) and Surgery. So she too cried her eyeballs out, worried like hell because rumors were saying that people always fail those 2 papers yada-yada-yada. But then......she didn't fail those postings even though most people did.

So Jenna told me that it's not too late. I can work harder for Orthopaedics and Paediatrics. I will make sure that I won't fail. I'll make sure that the only failure I get in medicine school is Anaesthesiology (God forbid) and that's it. I won't fail for anything else. I know I can do it.

Thank you Jenna. Your advice and experiences really helped me go through this crap. I appreciate it, and thanks for lending me your ears coz I needed someone to listen and thank you for lending your shoulder for I needed it to cry on.

.when you fall, you pick yourself right back up, l e n a.