as vivid as it gets

Dear Blog,

I was afraid I might forget how she would look like. It's been so long since she left, with only pictures and memories to reflect upon.


But, I dreamed of you last night. I felt both emotions of joy and sorrow, for in that dream, I did not know I was in deep slumber. It felt so real. And it had been so long since any of us had a dream about you.

You did not speak nor did you reply when I asked you questions. You were just there, with Tok Wan, looking oh-so happy. I only vaguely remember what happened in the dream, but all I know is when you did not say anything, I knew something was wrong. And in that dream, I cried.

Then, I was awaken by the sound of my alarm clock *5.30am*

I opened my eyes, and real tears came out...gushing like nobody's business.

Rindunya Tok Mum. We wished you were there with us to celebrate Intan and Shafiq's wedding *great, now i'm in tears. bongok betul*


Mommy said both she and Mak Lang were talking about Tok Mum the night I got the dream. Coincidence?

I pray that you're ok and that you're happy, wherever you are. Always.

.Love you. l e n a.

walk the walk

Dear Blog,

For the past 5 years, I have been called a medical student. And years before that, I have always been 'a' student.

Our finals is getting owh-so-near. Usually when my colleagues start counting the days, the reactions I gave were..."what?" or "heh?" and the occasional "owh...shit".

But when a friend of mine actually said "51 days til professionals", I sucked in all the air around me I could muster til my lungs couldn't take it anymore.

51? Really? (btw, starting today it's 49)

So, I did what every normal human being does when reality bites him/her in the ass.

I cried.

But the tears were welled up inside for weeks, trying to get out, trying to find it's trigger...the right moment to erupt like a volcano it has learned to become.

I was finally able to cry when I had a talk with the Dancing Doc.

And right after, I was able to think, I was able to see, and InsyaAllah I will be able to do what I am supposed to do.

It's time Farah, time to use your 5 years of knowledge cause it's almost the end of your Student-life. You will have to work sooner or later. And know that mistakes are unforgivable, not when it's a matter of life and death. You're almost at the finishing-line. You can hear the crowd cheering for you, though none visible yet. You should start feeling the adrenaline rush now or even later if it's not there yet.

Just know...

You NEED that adrenaline rush to finish the race. Cause I know that you are tired, we all are. That's why you have to push yourself with every ounce of energy you've got left in that body of yours.

.you've talk the talk, it's time to...(refer the title of this blog) XD l e n a.