a bumpy ride

Dear Blog,

There are many types of people living in this world. And like all things in life, there's the Yin and there's the Yang, good and evil, black and white, vampires and werewolves. The ones that I'm about to elaborate on, however, are categorized in the grateful and ungrateful.

This entry is not meant to criticize, but to comprehend that the fact of the matter is human beings tend to take things for granted, forget, and complain. Including myself, I am no exception to this homo sapien downfall.

My dear friends, yes, Jabatan Perkhidmatan Awam (JPA) did in fact state that they were to give us our scholarship money before May 2011. Indeed, it is now the 2nd last day of April 2011 and alas, our Bank Islam accounts are still empty and filled with nothing but cobwebs and only that whiff of dollar bills which used to harbor there.

But, remember...why is it empty in the first place? Have you ever asked yourself what it is you buy with the "people's" money. Coz, that's just it. We are paid by JPA by Malaysians who are counting on us to be great doctors in the near future.

Yes, it's difficult to survive without money. Everything revolves around money, and the worst part is most prices are hiked up thanks to recession, which is only mildly affected in our country compared to most developed countries.

If JPA didn't give you scholarships, would you be here right now? Would you be able to spend and buy those new shoes you've always wanted? Would you be able to buy an iPhone 4? No. So please people, count your blessings. Everyone would kill to be in your position - paid to study. Wow. How many people do you know that has that sorta privilege?

I'm very, very thankful that JPA assists me financially aside from the allowance that my father brings in monthly. I for one know what it's like to starve and not eat heavy meals in a week. Live off crackers and bread for weeks. I often feel guilty, for every time I spend my scholarship money, I always think...this is the people's money. But, I am naught but human. We all make mistakes and tend to want things we've never had. So for that, I totally agree and understand why most of you reacted this way.

I just want my friends to think before saying something they'll regret. It's not easy to become RM6000 richer than the day before, especially if you're unemployed and only a student.

I'm sorry if I've offended some of you out there, but I refuse to witness my educated colleagues react this way. I'm only saying this because I care.


Rumour has it that the scholarship will be in our accounts by Tuesday next week. That's only a few days from now. It can't hurt to wait, right? We've waited for 2 months prior to the start of a new semester. What is a few days more?

.Hold on friends, just a lil longer =) l e n a.

the timeline

Dear Blog,

First of all, I'd like to congratulate a colleague of mine - Nor Suhana, in advance for tying the knot this coming Saturday (30th April 2011). May God bless you and your husband to-be, who happens to also be a colleague. How they met? I guess it's fate, or some might say "it was God's will".

Most of my batch-mates are going, 2 buses filled with UKM students, leaving for Pahang early in the morning. Not forgetting those going by car. Anyway, I hope their wedding ceremony will be a wonderful one, filled with joy and laughter.

I won't be attending however, due to some unforeseen circumstances. It doesn't matter anyway. My friends can go on my behalf. Weddings just give me a sense of false hope for something that will never be within my grasp.


I often wonder, is there such a thing as fate?

If there is, what of me? Don't I deserve to share happiness with a certain someone? Did fate overlook me? Or did it stare directly into my eyes and say "you're not ready yet".


I remember asking my mom this a lot, while watching most of my friends fall prey to puppy love. In primary and secondary school, during matriculation, my early years in University up until now, a 5th year undergrad.

Her reply was always :

during primary school - "you'll find someone in secondary school"
during secondary school - "you'll find someone in college"
during matrix - "you'll find someone in University"
during University - "you'll find someone when you work"

Ok...now imagine if I were working at the moment. What would you say to me Mommy?
"you'll find someone during your Masters"?
"you'll find someone when you're a specialist"?
"you'll find someone when you're 6 feet under"?

I used to hang on to your advice, Mommy. Now, I'm not so sure anymore. Coz the truth is, I don't believe in fate. If God really created every man and woman on this earth to be soul-mates, is it possible that He forgot about me? Is it possible that since I'm a twin, He created only one man for my sister and not me?

To top it off, I'm afraid of commitments. So, I tend to either like guys I know I'll never have or push away guys that might be interested in me (which is not a lot. i can count with the fingers on one hand and excluding the thumb)


Let's face it. Not everyone is that lucky. The lucky ones are the exception. Otherwise, your "fate" is as good as mine...and it's not that good, if y'know what I mean.

If there is such a thing as fate, I'm asking you now...where is my so-called soul-mate? Is he just waiting for me to find him? Or could he be with another woman because of a slight mishap at the Fate Headquarters? All I know is, I'm sick of waiting for him. I'm not getting any younger and as we all know...the older us women get, lagi turun saham as opposed to men who are still considered a "catch" as long as you have money and are stable.

See how unfair this world is? Like my dad always says, "who says life is fair?". Leanna prefers "when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade"...that's just a positive way of thinking. A realist like me would reply "if life gives you rotten lemons, you throw them away...burn them even...if possible".

.where art thou romeo? he fell and cracked his stupid head on the way up the balcony, that's where. l e n a.