the mysterious Arab man

Dear Blog,

What is a dream? How do we distinguish dreams from reality? Or could it be just reliving memories of the past?

Arwah Tok Mum had dreams and hallucinations? prior to her seizures.

The one that raises the hair on my nape would be the Arabian Visit.

A few days before Arwah was diagnosed to have seizures (which was lonnggggg overdue, thanks to that specific hospital's awesome patient management), I guess she had Delirium?

She barely recognized some of us, and she had behavioral change. She started saying things that are out of context, and she often stared at the ceiling. Or was she trying to tell us something? Maybe she saw something that cannot be seen by the naked eye?

I'm not really sure of the exact current of events coz I was still in UKM at the time. But, here's what I know:

Tok Mum was not in the acute cubicle yet for she was suspected of having Pneumonia and she seemed relatively fine. Mommy, Sarah and Nani (our cousin) left her bedside to go for buka puasa or something. They were gone for about 30min or so and when Sarah and Nani came back, Tok Mum was looking at the hallway window.

Sarah asked, "kenapa Tok Mum?".

Tok Mum replied, "tadi ada orang Arab datang."

Sarah : Orang Arab? (puzzled)

Tok Mum : A'ah. Dia tanya mana arah kiblat

Sarah : Takda orang Arab pun Tok Mum

Tok Mum : ada. Tadi dia datang sini, cerita-cerita. Dia tanya kiblat mana. Lepas tuh cerita pasal orang-orang melayu zaman sekarang and sekarang dah ramai sangat cina.

Sarah looked at Nani, and saw Nani turning her head to the back holding back tears. Sarah started to feel overwhelmed.

Tok Mum : Lepas tuh dia pesan, kita tak patut tengok orang pada kulit (Tok Mum explained with her left hand caressing her right arm), yang penting kita tengok hati orang tuh (Tok Mum patted her chest).

There's a story behind this advice given by the mysterious Arab man.

Arwah Tok Mum's uncle (Pak Ngah?) gave her the same exact advice to her when she was young. And for her to say it then at the hospital was very strange, especially after seeing that Arab man.

Mommy asked the nurse in charge whether there were any Arab men walking about or even coming to Arwah's room. They said they didn't see any, not that they know of of course.

When Sarah asked Nani why she cried just now, Nani said, "biasanya Umi kata, bila dah nak tiba masa, kita punya ancestors akan datang visit kita".

Could it be that the mysterious Arab man was one of our ancestors? Or was Tok Mum hallucinating?

After hearing this story, I cried. I just, didn't know what to say. And I told them to stop telling me the story. I guess I couldn't take it. I couldn't bear the thought of Tok Mum seeing things we didn't see, saying things we couldn't understand. Coz that was not Tok Mum. That was not the Tok Mum that I've known all my life.

A lot had happened during those few weeks in the hospital up to the day she passed. And most are, you could say, out of the norm. I hope that one day, I'll be able to share them with you. But, for now this is all that my thoughts are able deliver.

Leaving for Teluk Intan soon. I miss home already. l e n a.

soul-mate of 58

Dear Blog,

[3rd September 2011]

Happy Anniversary to Arwah Tok Mum and Tok Wan.

It would've been 58 years together today. But, it was His will for her to pass on the 20th of August 2011 (20 Ramadhan 1432H) and who are we to tell Him "no"?

We visited her this morning, as we did almost every 2 days for the past 2 weeks.

As usual, we would buy petals the day before. It had been a variety of beautiful flower petals; roses of pink, white, purple; carnations of red, yellow and white. Arwah Tok Mum adored flowers. Her favourites were sunflowers, as bright and cheerful and as welcoming as she was.

Tok Wan, with his steel staff bought from India ages ago (which can also transform into a portable seat for those with small butt-cheeks lol) we beri Salam to Arwah Tok Mum (and the other ahli kubur) and recite our doa and occasionally the Yasin.

It saddens me how the ahli kubur increases in number every single time we visit. Tok Wan would comment, "Oh, Tok Mum has new neighbours". Though, joking I couldn't help but ponder if at the back of Tok Wan's mind, he is actually wondering if one day he'll be next and would he be able to get a place near the love of his life? I'm sure he would love to be close to Arwah Tok Mum. They have never been separated this long, and it pains me to see only half a heart beating.

All of us (Intan, Sarah, Mak Lang, Nani and I) have been wearing Arwah's baju kurung everyday for raya. Tok Wan would crack "ramainya Tok Mum". It would put a smile on all our faces, knowing his sense of humour is not affected. Though, he had been quiet initially with tears only he, Arwah and Allah may discern.

There is not a day that goes by that she is not on our minds. And as reminded by both Tok Wan and Mommy, "sedekahkan Al-Fatihah and surah Qul and baca Yasin whenever you can".


It has been 2 weeks.

But, why do we all still sense her presence at home? Though physically, she is nowhere. But, spiritually, she is everywhere.

We were all anticipating her visit, coz in our beliefs, it is said that those who pass shall come and visit their loved ones or the places that they usually go to in 40 days.

None were so lucky.

Except a cousin of mine, Zaid. 2 days after Arwah passed away, he had a dream of coming to Toks' house in Subang and saw Tok Mum sitting down (i'm not sure where). She smiled at the sight of him. And that was that.

Speaking of dreams, I was told a few days after the incident about Tok Wan's dream.

This dream, was experienced before Tok Mum was even ill.

In this dream, Tok Wan explained that he was at this big majlis full of people. He did not know where or what the function was all about, but there Tok Mum was, approaching him.

In this dream, Tok Mum asked, "nak ikut?"

Tok Wan, still puzzled by the overwhelming presence of the party, just answered "no"

And she left him. Walking away, as swift and as elegant as though she had no pain in her body. As though she was as healthy as ever. She drifted into the crowd and disappeared. The dream ended there.

All of us interpreted the dream as...well, an invitation. To join Tok Mum. For Tok Wan to say no was astounding. What would have happened if he said yes? Would he still be with us today?

During one of the Majlis Tahlil, Intan's fiance (Shafiq) told her that his mom was in a very sad conversation with Tok Wan.

*A lil recap, Tok Wan got sick as soon as Tok Mum was in the hospital. He was sick even weeks after she passed away.


So, in the conversation Tok Wan was asked by a relative about him being ill. He replied, yes, he had been sick since Tok Mum's hospital admission. And, looking at Shafiq's mom, he said "rasa macam nak ikut je".

He was mourning, still is even now. He lost 5kg in a matter of weeks and all he did was sleep if not doing his Ibadah.

There is no Family Raya picture this year. I guess, it is too painful for everyone. For me to upload a picture of our family may seem inappropriate to some, but I feel it is fitting and most suited for today is exactly 2 weeks and it so happens to be their 58th Anniversary. It is good to remember the pleasant memories rather than dwelling on sorrow.

We love you Tok Mum.

.from, one of cucu Wan Kantin. l e n a .