wonder years, great days

Dear Blog,


Alhamdulillah. I passed =)

I seriously can't believe it. But I did pass.

I really don't know what to say. I'm overwhelmed. I'd like to thank of course Tok Mum, Tok Wan and Mommy for praying for my, well I wouldn't say "success", but "achievement" sounds fitting.


I looked back on the days pre-, during, and post-exam...did I really deserve it?


Only God and my family knows what I've been doing during my study week and exam week. I even forget my notes at my dorm, Mommy even jokes about it now. But the truth is, it isn't a joke. And I was really, really scared about my results this time. I spent more time with my family than I did with books.

I'm so overwhelmed by this semester's result. I can't think of anything to say. I can't help but to be thankful, grateful and bersyukur.

When I told my family that I had passed, they all looked so proud! That lifted some sort of burden off my chest. It was weird. I felt so light. I felt like I just did a good deed, you know, that feeling you get when someone thanks you for helping them cross the road, or, hold the elevator door open when they come running from the car park, or, just simply hold the door open for people.

It was an achievement that even I was unsure of.

I always get dreams when something important comes. And most of them coincidentally comes true. The examples are of course, the ones I keep telling everyone about - not to boast, but to explain how weird and unexplainable things can be.

.SPM. A week before SPM, I dreamt that I was answering questions specifically about the Chinese exams and about Rome, which were ASKED during our SPM Sejarah essay paper. Thanks to that dream, I got an A1 for Sejarah.

.Matrix. The day before the 1st semester results were announced at the Dewan, I dreamt that I had 4.00 and was hugged by Tok Mum and Tok Wan at their home. That was a great feeling. Turns out, I did get 4.00 that day.


So, last night, I dreamt a dream in a dream, over and over again. It was difficult to know whether I was really awake or still dreaming. It was weird. And the dreams were about my results and how I failed for my community medicine (JKM) posting. Everytime I was dreaming in my dream, I failed, and everytime I woke up in my dream, I still failed my exam. So I thought, that was real, you know? I really did fail. I remember being so down, sad, depressed.

But, when I woke up for real, I really knew I was awake. I couldn't count how many times I had awaken from my dream, coz, I just didn't wake up. I know it doesn't make any sense, but it was scary. And, since my dreams were usually true (or so I believed), I thought, crap! Am I going to fail? Am I gonna get bad news later? No one knows how scared I was to find out my results. Palms sweaty, palpitations, can't sit still, mind drifting off somewhere.

Was I gonna fail?

When I got the text message from Fatin, I felt sooooo relieved and ridiculous! What the? Seriously?? Pheww. She even called afterwards, but, I just didn't know what to say. I'm afraid to hurt anyone's feelings coz this is a very sensitive moment. So, like they say, if you have nothing to say, don't say anything at all. And when I got the call from Ain, I didn't know how to tell her that I knew already. So, I just let the conversation flow. Thanks for calling Ain, it meant a lot to me.

Anyway, I gotta go now. I forgot to reply H's message. We're going out tomorrow. Sushi for supper, and a movie afterwards. Wish me luck =)

.a passing streak? l e n a.