Running E on V-day

Dear Blog,

.Some people have it, some people don't.

That's how I'd like to begin my post tonight.

.religious views VS Valentines Day.

I know that there's this big argument about our religious beliefs and Valentine's Day, so I won't broach on that subject. Just know that I am indeed aware of the controversial facts and it shall be avoided to evade any 'hullobaloos'.

Ok, so my February 14th was just another regular day. Same as always, spend time with family, spend some money, and become a homebody. Due to this lack of excitement life of mine, I'll spare you its gory details.

Not having a boyfriend is really no problem for me. I have survived almost 21 years of solitary lifestyle, what's another few dozens right? I can say however that I am envious of those who have someone special in their lives whom isn't a family member.

• To share things you can never share with other people, not even family.
• A shoulder to cry on, when there is no one BUT his shoulder.
• A punching bag, to express yourself so violently that only he could understand.

It didn't hit me at first, that morning of V-day. It felt like just another regular day. I woke up, got ready, ate breakfast, yada-yada-yada. Went out with sibs, ate at MPH's Book Cafe, Subang Parade to celebrate Ritz's 11th place win for Merentas Desa (congrats!) and bought Big Apple on the way to Carrefour for a lil last minute grocery shopping.
So very normal indeed.

That evening, my hermanas and I made desserts - Jenna's famous Trifle and The twins' French Dessert a.k.a Rice Pudding, a recipe from Nigella (thank you AFC). This event however, is not normal. Us sisters seldom cook, bake or even go in the kitchen haha. I shall re-edit this post in the future to add a few snapshots of that day.

Anyway, back to the story. Come night fall, my 2 lovely sisters were getting ready for their V-day date with their Valentines. So, there I was lying on the bed watching them putting their make-up on, getting their hair done, talking and laughing about their plans later and stuff. And it finally hit me.

Where am I in all of this? Why is is that I'm lying on the bed with my jammies on and not getting ready to meet the love of my life? (this does not apply to everyone. Love is subjective.) Will I ever get a chance to love and be loved? Am I so unapproachable that not even a real man would even try?

From the beginning of the day, I felt so full, happy and unaware of my loneliness. But at that very same night, all I felt was emptiness. How could one feel so full and yet empty in just 24hrs? I was on the verge of breaking, to cry like how I always cry when I see my sisters with their partners. I know that it's pretty silly to cry when they're happy, but what about me? Don't I deserve to be that happy too?

After my hermanas left, I burried myself in my notes to kononnya start and finish my PBL. But my thoughts were tangled and my concentration were nowhere near Medic. So, I went to the TV room - not to watch TV, but to sleep. So, that's my Valentine's Day celebration for ya.

The next day, Jenna and Leanna told me what their Valentines had planned. Oh god, it was beautiful. It was romantic. Just like how a romantic movie would plot, and in turn give all kinds of women ideas on how they want their boyfriends to plan for Valentine's Day. I was jealous, but those feelings were burried underneath my sisterly exterior. They need not know of my sorrow, at least not now. So, like I said before - some people have it, some poeple don't. I guess I'm the latter. Til then, cheerios!

l e n a out~